


Gun Shy

by Maebmin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Non Consensual, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-27 01:45:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maebmin/pseuds/Maebmin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Check out the warnings before you read. Blue Sun mercs recognize Garrus while he's out with Shepard and attack her for revenge. Afterwards, Garrus and Shepard have to cope together, in different ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for this prompt at the kinkmeme: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5736.html?thread=24211304#t24211304. I'd like to thank the kinkmeme posters and their ideas!
> 
> I'm posting just the beginning for now, as I'm going to review the full story once more as I start posting it to my writing profiles. Writing for the kmeme is great, but it makes the process a little rushed! So I'm just polishing it up for anyone's who's still interested. 
> 
> This features some explicit non-con and torture, so continue only if you have the stomach for such things!

The bar was nauseatingly full, but Shepard didn’t feel like getting up now at all. Her body felt like lead and she leaned her chin on her hand, staring through the colored decorative glasses lined up behind the bartender. She wasn’t drunk yet, and she somehow felt herself ignoring the glass in front of her. 

It had been nearly about fifteen minutes since Garrus had stormed away from her. She knew it was the stress of the mission and the larger encompassing idea of the Omega-4 Relay hanging over their heads that was driving them both crazy. But earlier, he seemed even more distant than usual, remaining silent as she tried to speak to him. Her silly jokes and general conversation seemed to bore him and he only gave the most basic forms of reply— a small smile and a nod here and there. Otherwise, he seemed content to stare at his glass.

They had gone out that night in celebration of shore leave, a wink-and-a-nod to a normal date. He had been rather frisky in public earlier when she was trying to stock up on fresh food, but she knew by the time he showed up to her room an hour ago that something was bothering him. The feigning interest, the half-smiles and shrugs. His resistance to leaving the Normandy was palatable, but she knew he didn’t dare tell her that.

“Okay, what the fuck is wrong?”

Garrus looked back to her, his eyes widening slightly. “Nothing, Shepard.”

She stared hard at him. “Please. I know you, Garrus.” _How many times have I said that?_

No reply.

She sighed and looked away finally, her eyes losing focus as she stared out onto the club. She found the gaze of a turian across the floor, who seemed to be caught off guard once their eyes met. He shifted away and Shepard reveled in the fact that maybe another turian was looking at her.  

“I think I see another one of you birds taking stock of me. Is it the hair?”

To her displeasure, Garrus did not even glance up, and he once again checked the screen on his small datapad.

“So, is this just ignore-me night?”

The sudden sound of his elbows hitting the table made her jump, and he placed one of his hands on his forehead. “Shepard…just shut up right now, okay?”

“Excuse me?” She sat forward in her seat now, her face getting heated.

He closed his eyes in annoyance, “I can’t do this tonight. Not now.”

“Do _what_?” Her voice was harsh and she hastily added, “If you feel like you’re doing me a favor or something, then just leave. Jesus Christ.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat.

Garrus met her eyes for a moment before standing up, pulling credits from his pocket and leaving them on the table. “Don’t wait up.”

“Fuck you.”

He left quickly and she sat stunned for a few minutes. They hadn’t had an altercation like that since they had started seeing each other, and her heart hurt. She was worried about him, but it was overshadowed by annoyance. There was so little time for shore leave and she hated the idea of wasting it like this.

And now, she was still sitting, reading her datapad and looking up every so often. She was tired, but the club still had that intoxicating aura to it, and she sure as hell was not going to be returning to the Normandy that night. The thought of her bed being empty made her cringe. 

Her mind wandered to Liara, who she had seen yesterday for business. _Maybe she would put up with me tonight._ It was doubtful, though. She was a busy woman now.

* * *

A turian named Rausen sat across the bar, legs crossed. He was sitting with a slender human male. They both had fallen into a substantial payout earlier that night for shipping some dangerous cargo , and Rausen was content to take the rest of his time off.

He was just about to pay his tab and ditch Vick when he saw a familiar face walk through his line of sight. The blue markings and pale fringe tipped him off.

Vick turned to him suddenly. “Holy shit. Is that—?”

“Archangel,” Rausen finished for him, “Garrus Vakarian. I thought I saw him earlier in the markets today.” He continued to watch him for a moment before analyzing his female companion; a tall human female with ragged red hair in a grey dress. Garrus put his hand on her lower back as he started to guide her towards an empty table and she placed her hand on his shoulder intimately, “With her, too. Guess I was right. Someone told me about firing a rocket to his face, but I thought they were just bragging.”

 “Looks like he’s got a taste for humans,” Vick sat forward. “How’d you know his name?”

“It’s been common knowledge for couple weeks now, idiot,” He took a drink thoughtfully.

“Do you know how much his head’s worth?”

“No. But I’d pay a couple thousand just to slit his throat myself.”

There was silence between them and Rausen felt his blood boil as he stared at the other turian. The bullet wound through his hip ached. Half of his team had been obliterated by that tyrannical piece of shit.  

“It doesn’t look like they’re having a very good time.”

Rausen watched them carefully as the woman seemed to speak agitatedly. Her gaze suddenly met Rausen’s and he looked away.

“Stare harder,” Vick laughed under his breath.

“Shut up.” 

It was a minute later when Vakarian stood up and left. Vick’s breath hitched and he turned back to Rausen. “Are we following him?”

Rausen was poised to stand up when he stopped and stared at the human female again. She was familiar looking, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“You know how much he lost his shit when that squad of his was ambushed?”

“That’s why I’m off Omega.”

Rausen shrugged and smiled slightly, “Going after him could be messy. Maybe it would be more fitting to use his guilt complex against him.”

Vick followed his eyes and paused. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

Shepard finished her last drink. She realized she had no reliable way to contact Liara in a way that wouldn’t be misconstrued as an emergency. She did, however, know her apartment complex…at least, she was pretty sure. _Was it too pathetic to go seek her out?_

She decided that she was just lonely enough to reason that they were old friends and it didn’t matter. She left a few credits extra on the bar and started to make her way out of the room.

It felt immediately cooler outside and she stretched her shoulders in the newfound space outside of the club. As she walked away, she realized now how unfamiliar her surroundings were. She begun to retrace her steps back to the last transport hub her and Garrus had used _. It hadn’t been that far, had it?_

She realized suddenly that she was a little drunk and immediately wished she hadn’t driven Garrus away, no matter how disconnected he was. Then she would at least have someone to lean against as they walked back to the Normandy together…

Her loneliness was still intact, but thinking about that quickly made her pine for her own bed. She remembered Liara and started to think that it might be best to just head back and see her tomorrow.

A sign for the nearest transport hub was brightly lit above her and she unconsciously quickened her pace when she heard steps behind her.

“Ma’am, did you forget this at your table?”

Shepard turned around to see a human male about fifteen feet away, holding something up to her. She furrowed her brow and without thinking, slapped her hands on her dress pocket to see if they were empty.

 It was in that moment of confusion when a rough hand wrapped around her throat and waist. She instinctively butted her head back and felt it satisfyingly hit whoever was behind her. Her choked gasp was loud, but she realized that she was in a very empty alley in the loud, bustling underbelly of clubs and bars. No one was going to pay any attention to her.

She felt herself nearly pull out of the man’s grip when she heard an omni-blade releasing and was suddenly pressed tightly to her neck.

“If you pull that one more time, I’ll slit your fucking throat.”

She choked and sputtered quietly. She was no idiot, and she knew there was nothing she could do without seriously risking bleeding to death. The man had begun to drag her several steps back to a lowered transport, where the human she had forgotten about was opening the door. Her body was pushed roughly against the cold glass and the turian behind her stepped to the side, keeping the blade at her jugular. The human quickly turned towards her and wrapped her hands together with tight plastic before pushing her finally into the transport.

Her face landed hard on the fabric seats, and she felt the door slam shut behind her.

The transport vibrated against her chin as it came alive and her body fell backward slightly as it uneasily went forward.

She started to try slowing her breathing down and get a grasp of what was happening, as her stomach tied itself in knots. Her muscles flexed as she tried to sit up and get a look around.

Rough hands wrapped around her head, probably anticipating another head butt. “Nooo, you don’t. Come here.”

She flexed away from them but a stranglehold on her throat kept her from going anywhere, and a foul smelling cloth was then gripped between her face and the man’s hand. As she began to kick the door violently, igniting cursing from the other man, his grip on her only tightened and it was a few moments before she inhaled sharply. She nearly instantly began to feel her fingers numbing and body losing consciousness. She contorted her body like a fish out of water, but it was of no use anymore.

The man gave up his grip on her throat soon afterward. There was a moment before he caressed her cheek with his thumb and she felt suddenly nauseous.

“Wait…Rausen, is this fucking Commander Shepard?”

“What? No.”

“Yes it is, just look at her.”

Their voices were farther and farther away and her eyes shut involuntarily.

“Huh, shit. That makes sense, I guess. That just makes this a little more interesting.”

“Fuck, man…”

It was all black after that.

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard awoke a while after that. She had absolutely no idea of the time that had passed. The feeling was strange and only added to her disconcertedness.

Her eyes blinked slowly as she gazed upon a stained ceiling. A bright but fuzzy light hung above her on the harsh concrete. _Christ, my head…_

The chill was the next thing she noticed. The room was freezing, and her first reaction was to wrap her arms around herself. They were above her head awkwardly, and when she pulled them down, they stopped short, her mind unraveling. Reason flooded back to her, with a small amount of panic.

She tilted her head to see each hand in a separate pair of handcuffs, each hooked to a corner on what looked to be some sort of work table. She tugged desperately at them, knowing they wouldn’t give out. She grimaced as she looked down, realizing her feet were locked in the same fashion. _Fuck._

Her neck bent painfully upwards as she tried to get a better view of the room around her. It seemed to be some sort of garage, with benches and tables covered with an assortment of tools, gadgets, and even some weapon mods she recognized. She remembered her decision to go out tonight completely unarmored and unarmed painfully. A silly attempt at looking and feeling normal, and she regretted it with every part of her.

She laid her head back after examining what she could. This was not what she expected. Sure, one can’t exactly expect what situation they’re going to wake up to after being kidnapped and put to sleep. But some part of her was comforted by her figuring this was some sort of case of politics-gone-wrong. Maybe an interrogation in a chair with a pissed off diplomat, before a squad mate blew open the door. Then it would almost be routine. This felt much more sinister though. She had never been bound up like this, especially not in a cocktail dress she had picked out in an effort to impress her boyfriend. It made her feel much more vulnerable, and a little less confident.

“How do you like the place?”An unmistakably turian voice began behind her.

She jumped in surprise and twisted her neck around. “You better have a goddamned good reason for this.”

“Do you really think this would be happening if I had no good reason at all?”

She decided not to respond to that, only flexing her arms against her restraints again.

He walked closer to her, leaning against a worktable so he was now in her sights. Dark violet markings on a grey face defined his turian smirk as he crossed his arms. “You didn’t answer my question.”

She answered him with silence again.

“Hmm. Not too many people get to come down here. I got this place once I got some power here on Illium after I was sent from Omega. I guess getting wounded garners a little bit of respect,” He stood up straighter, picking up and examining a weapon mod. “Lots of men have bled on that table you’re laying out on. Think you might be the first woman. I don’t really keep track though, a couple of my guys have used it before without me.”

Shepard’s eyes didn’t sway from his, but she felt the knot in her stomach grow. She finally allowed herself to speak, “Just tell me why I’m here.” She kept her voice strong and annoyed, trying to avoid any anxious inflection that might break through.

He turned his back on her. “I’ll get to that.”

“Where’s your friend?”

“Getting something I’d like to have for this.”

“For what, exactly?”

He leaned his head back and let out a coarse laugh. “Please, I’m sure you’ve at least figured that part out.”

She tightened her lips and looked up to the ceiling.

The turian walked slowly over to her, near her feet. He stood between each leg and examined her for a moment. “Do you know of anyone named Archangel?”

Her brow furrowed, “No.” An image of Garrus stained her thoughts and she felt nauseous again.

“I believe his real name is Vakarian. Rogue ex-C-Sec officer. Extremely talented with a rifle,” He paused, waiting for a response from her that never came, “Know of him?”

Shepard only stared back at him again.

“I believe you do. I saw you together earlier. Seemed to have some sort of a lover’s quarrel. He stormed off like a child. But I assume you care for him. You must be his C/O.”

His three fingered hand landed softly on one of her calves. She shivered instantly at it and felt more ill.

“He was _quite_ the vigilante on Omega. Killed a lot of men. My men, too. Shot me right through my hip, and I’m a lucky one,” His hand began to move farther up her leg, very slowly. “He came to our territory, and tried to purge it of us. That’s what I don’t understand. Came to our station and tried to make it his. I suppose he didn’t realize that eventually, that’s exactly what I was going to do to him, Shepard. I’m going to take what is his and make it mine. Taint it for him. ”

His hand slid up her thigh, and she squirmed.

“Now don’t feel left out, I know you’ve killed your fair share of mercs, too. Between you and Vakarian, there might be a bigger head count for dead mercs on your hands than anyone else. Besides other mercs, of course,” He laughed quietly, “It’s not really personal, but that does make it a little bit more fun.”

She coiled away from him more, considering keeping her mouth closed before she blurted out, “Garrus was doing what was right because no one else wanted to. Omega’s a festering shit hole, and I can guarantee your men deserved what they got. It’s a shame you didn’t.”

Rausen smirked and with that, he extended his talons into her thigh and began to drag them deeply into her soft flesh. She writhed her entire body in pain and she tried to resist the loud squeal that was choked up in her throat.

“I might’ve been nicer before you said that. I was worried you weren’t going to say anything at all. But now I have more to look forward to.” The talons pushed in, retracted slightly, and then expanded again. She clenched her teeth hard and a moan escaped.

He pulled his hand back and examined his now crimson fingers, smiling slightly. It was then that footsteps could be heard behind Shepard, but she gave up on straining to see who it was.

Rausen placed his hand near his face and inhaled deeply. “Any luck?”

“Yeah, I got it, no problem.”

“Great.”

The human walked to the side of her, examining her thigh thoughtfully, before handing Rausen a curious cylinder. Shepard’s heart sank even lower as she recognized it as a blow torch. The turian took it, looking at it for a moment before setting it down on the table beside him.

 

* * *

 

Garrus got up from his bed feeling agitated. There was no way he was going to fall asleep tonight. He had stubbornly lain for more than an hour before giving up. His mind surged with visions of his mother throwing fits of confusion and his sister taking care of her. All he could taste was guilt.

Most nights, he was able to forget about it and focus on the Normandy, or more recently, on Shepard. But bad news from Solana earlier today made that impossible.

_It’s only getting worse Garrus, as much as you’d like to pretend that everything’s fine for us. I didn’t know I’d be doing this alone._

She was right. He had abandoned them. But there was so much to do. If anyone else was in his position, would the Normandy have the track record it carried? He would like to believe that he was integral. He had to be...

He grabbed his datapad for the thousandth time today, praying for a new message from Solana. Someone in this galaxy would be able to help mom. He _knew_ it. A small glow of excitement grew when he saw a new message, only to be filled with mixed feelings when realizing it was from Shepard.

He sighed as he remembered the look on her face as he got up to leave her. She deserved an apology. She didn’t deserve dealing with his shit while she dealt with the weight of the galaxy. He was surprised she would even give him a second thought by sending him a message.

_You can head up to my quarters if you care to see me. I’ll be back soon._

_xo -S._

Garrus smiled and checked the time on the message. It was dated nearly two hours ago.

He hoped she wouldn’t mind his being late. He needed her now. Falling asleep alone was going to be futile…and maybe there was some way he could apologize to her that would make him forget about everything else.

A few minutes later, after cleaning himself up a tad, he arrived at Shepard’s door, waiting for it to open. He had come up to her room when she was sleeping before, and she always seemed to wake up to the sound of the door request.

He was about to ping it again when EDI’s voice quietly chimed over the intercom, “Commander Shepard is not currently in her quarters, Officer Vakarian.”

Garrus looked up at the ceiling in frustration, “She didn’t just tell you to say that, did she?”

“No. Commander Shepard has not returned to the Normandy since she left approximately three hours ago.”

_Three hours ago?_ _What in the world can she be doing on Illium alone?_ He stood there for several moments, leaning his body still against the door, before remembering their visit with Liara.

“EDI? Is there any way you can contact Dr. Liara T’Soni?”

“Dr. T’Soni’s office will likely be empty at this hour.”

Garrus rolled his eyes, “Not her office, at her home.”

“I do not have any personal contact information of Dr. T’Soni’s.”

“I know she said something to Shepard about where she’s staying here…”

“I have not observed any communication of Dr. T’Soni’s personal—”

“Just thinking out loud, EDI.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Garrus ran his hand against his fringe. It wouldn’t have bothered him so much if they had been some place a little bit more familiar, like the Citadel. But he knew for a fact that she had never been to Illium before, and he remembered her remarking to him today that the complicated city layout confused her to no end. He was the one to find the bar they had headed out to.

“EDI, does Shepard have her communicator on her?”

“Her communicator has been left in her quarters.”

He sighed in annoyance, “How is that not required to wear when you’re off the Normandy?”

“It is only required during missions, not in designated shore leave zones.”

“Well, is there any way you can scan for the Commander’s whereabouts? With all that Cerberus tech, she has to stick out on our sensors.”

“It is definitely possible, but I would need permission from Executive Officer Lawson to perform that scan.”

“I don’t have the rank to scan for missing personnel?”

“Not for Commander Shepard, sir.”

_Spirits._

“Thank you, EDI.”

He turned around to enter the elevator. Getting Miranda’s permission would mean waking her up and explaining his concern, which would make him look like the idiotic, ever-doting boyfriend. He would give it some time, but for now, he returned to his cabin and tried not to worry.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m sure you’ve already figured this out, but no one is going to hear you screaming down here, so try not to bust my ear drums.”

The human pulled a knife from his pocket and stood between her legs in the same manner that Rausen had a few minutes ago. Shepard examined him as she tried to ignore what was happening. He was younger, with slight stubble and matching dark hair. His voice seemed too loud and shaky, as if he wasn’t used to antagonizing people to their faces. She realized he probably was just a toady of the turian’s, though any pity she might’ve felt for him turned into white hot anger as he grabbed her dress’s fabric covering her chest roughly and sliding the knife down the middle. It made a horrible tearing noise, and she became very aware suddenly that there was no way to avoid what was going to happen.

The turian stood in the dark corner, watching curiously over the human’s shoulder. Her dress was promptly torn the rest of the way off, and she tried to focus on the light hanging above her.

“She’s pretty. A little muscley for me, but look at that face,” The human reached to her cheeks, pushing her lips together in a sickly playful gesture. She could not hold in her reaction, and promptly raised her head up to spit on his face.

His face blanked for a moment, before he raised his fist and slammed it hard against her nose, making her head bounce back onto the metal table. The ricochet made her dizzy and she shuddered. He didn’t waste time in placing himself on top of her now, his face landing right next to hers. He grabbed the back of her hair roughly, pulling her closer to him.

“I’m going to fuck you until your insides are black and blue, you stupid bitch.”

He pulled her hair tighter for a moment for emphasis and bit below her ear until blood was drawn. Her body kicked up in protest. He sat up again, with her body still between his knees. He grabbed the middle of her bra and pulled it until it came apart in his hands, and he gave a satisfied laugh. Turning back to Rausen, he announced, “They aren’t bad, either.”

Shepard’s body began to shiver from a mix of horror and cold. The human’s rough hands caressed her breasts rather intimately and gently, and he played with them for several moments. For some reason, she hated his careful, soft touch more than his painful, harsh ones.

“Is it cold in here, or are you enjoying this a little bit?”

Her eyes closed as she tried to ignore his voice. She soon heard his pants coming undone as he awkwardly removed them, still sitting on his knees. She felt his hot cock press against her chin and she felt every piece of her beg to just fall away from it, avoid it somehow. His rough hands returned to the back of her neck, and with a threat of him murdering her if she bit into him, he entered her mouth and started thrusting roughly. His moaning echoed through the room, and his hand behind her head offered her no room to back away in an effort to not gag.

He came just as loudly, holding her head down afterwards and forcing her to swallow it. It wasn’t until he got off from her body sloppily that she turned her head and vomited violently, not being able to contain it in herself for any longer.

The turian walked over to her as the human tried to catch his breath leaning against the work table, lighting a cigarette.

“We’ll have to hose this place down after we’re finished with you. I would’ve gone first if I would’ve realized you were going to make such a mess.”He gazed at her uncovered chest, and reached over to her breasts. He handled each one gently before using his talon to draw a semicircle of blood under one of them.

“Of course, you know these will have to come off, right?” He clipped away her panties with the stained talon, “Before I get started, there was something I wanted to do.” He grabbed the blow torch and a hammer from the table and placed them delicately next to Shepard. He pawed again at her breasts, sighing thoughtfully, “They’ll never look this good again, Shepard. I am sorry for that.”

He set the blow torch ablaze and put the claw end of the hammer directly under it. Shepard, who had always prided herself in being calm and collected, finally began to lose herself to the panic she felt. There were no words that fit watching the hammer tip grow red, other than terror.  The human grunted a laugh from the corner.

Apparently satisfied with the color of the glowing tip, Rausen very slowly brought the claw to her breasts, hovering over her chest for a moment. She forced herself not to watch as he pushed it suddenly against the underside of her breast. Her pride went out the window as she began to scream, the sound of sizzling flesh adding to her cries.

He then began to drag the claw downwards, below her breasts and into her side. It tore through her skin, still burning but now also shredding the skin to pieces. Her body convulsed and shuddered, and her ragged screams echoed, “Please! Oh god, oh fuck. Please, oh god, oh no.”

The turian threw the hammer to the side, and she heard the same sound of pants being dropped. It was only a moment later that she felt his talons finding their way inside of her, ripping into her soft flesh. Soon he entered her and he laughed again at her whimpering. His rough body rubbed against her wounds and seemed to tear them open even further. He fucked her hard, digging his hands into the cuts and breathing hard against her neck. He kissed her collar bone, and his weight and grating body reminded her painfully of Garrus. _God, what if I never see him again?_ Tears poured down her face as her screaming just turned into tormented sobs, punctuated by the rhythmic thrusting into her body. 

She had never wished for death before this, really. But now, as she was getting cut open, her apathy towards living grew as her body felt completely numb. The turian began choking her, holding onto her neck up until she began to lose consciousness. She felt herself hoping he would not let go, praying he would let her finish the rest of this asleep. But he always let go, and she only felt dizzy.

* * *

 

Another hour ticked by slowly. Of course, busy work wasn’t doing it for him, either. Garrus sighed as he checked the clock and rubbed his eyes. What was the point? _Would Lawson be annoyed? Yes. Isn’t she always?_

He had been telling himself that Shepard must be at T’Soni’s. Had to be.  But she always seemed to tell him if her plans were changing during their rare shore leaves. She was always responsive. She _knew_ he was going to be worrying about her. That’s how perceptive she was.  If she had gone to the trouble of sending him a message, why wouldn’t she have done the same thing when she realized she wasn’t coming back? 

He talked himself more and more into it, and a minute later, he was standing at Lawson’s door as he awaited a response. Her answer came over his comm before she came to her door.   
  
“If somebody’s fighting, you deal with it, Vakarian. I’m sleeping.”

Garrus rolled his eyes, “No one’s fighting, I need your permission to perform a scan on Illium.”

“Can’t you do that?”

“Yes, but—look, could we do this face to face?”

The sound of her communicator shutting off abruptly made him jump slightly and her door opened in a few moments.

She wasted no time with the conversation as she leaned against the door frame, “What sort of thing are we scanning for that requires my permission in the middle of night shift?”

 “Commander Shepard.”

One of her eyebrows raised, “Shepard.”

Garrus shifted uncomfortably, “Look, Lawson, she was drinking a lot tonight, and we got into a little bit of a squabble. She left and I haven’t seen her since—despite her messaging me and telling me she was going to be back…and I’d just like to make sure she’s okay.” He didn’t like lying about Shepard, but he was suddenly aware that his side of the story would only annoy Lawson more.

Miranda rubbed her forehead and sighed, “I’m sure she can handle herself, Vakarian. I feel like this is breaching into personal territory.” She began to turn away when Garrus stepped forward, putting a foot in her doorway.

His voice lowered considerably, “Lawson, I understand why you would say that, but I’m just asking for your permission. I’m not seeking her out, I just want to make sure she’s some place safe.”

Miranda eyed him, still agitated, but her face softened slightly. “…Alright. EDI? Let Officer Vakarian _scan_ for Commander Shepard.”

“How long will Officer Vakarian’s security level be affected?”

“Christ,” She rubbed her face again, “An hour? I guess. Is that okay with you?” Her eyebrows rose toward him again.

“More than okay.”

“Great, an hour, then,” Her eyes glanced up, as if acknowledging EDI’s presence on the ceiling, “Now…Is that all?”

“Thank you, Lawson. I appreciate it.”

“I hope you’re not keen on pissing off Shepard after tracking her down in some seedy bar. That means her being annoyed with me,” Her eyes rolled once more as she turned back around, her door shutting quickly.

Garrus stood for a moment, letting his irritation simmer before speaking up again, “EDI, can you get to that scan? And put the results in my quarters, please.”

“Results should be available in less than a minute.”

“Perfect.”

Soon he was examining the city map in his cabin, on his display. The point EDI had come up with was in the industrial section of the city, quite a ways away from the bar he had left her in. He did some fast research on the location before deciding there was no way Shepard was just visiting Liara in a manufacturer’s garage.

_This is ridiculous._ Yet, he could not help imagining that she needed him. If Shepard did need him, and he gave up on looking for her tonight, he would not be able to live with himself. Finding her safe and pissed off that he had gone to that trouble was something he could deal with.

“EDI, how sure are you that this is Commander Shepard?”

“There is no record of another organic being comprised of—”

“Just tell me if you’re fairly sure.”

“Very sure, Officer Vakarian.”

“Great. I’m going to need a transport outside the Normandy to take me near this point. Can you set that up for me?”

“Certainly.”

Garrus left the Normandy ten minutes later in his armor and a rifle on his back. It was odd being armed and leaving the Normandy without squad mates next to him…Felt like older times, a little bit.

He imagined Shepard’s amused and annoyed face as he walked into some old friend’s place, her rolling her eyes as he told her that he was worried about her. That he had even told Lawson that he was scared. That would make her mad. But then she would either stay or he’d take her home and they’d make love or fall asleep next to each other or both. At least, that’s what he hoped was going to happen.  

As he was dropped off outside of the building, he checked the coordinates EDI had sent him again. It was warm outside, and the air was sticky sweet. It made the city seem smoggier than he had noticed before. The happy scenario he had made up was becoming more distant. What had she ever gotten herself into?

The complex seemed fairly open. There were minimal security guards, and cold, long hallways seemed to lead in between multistory industrial rooms. It was nearly twenty minutes of dodging security personnel and hacking doors before he found the supposed garage EDI had pointed to him. He got the distinct feeling that this was a shady place, and he felt a strange, new adrenaline as he began to hack the door.

It cracked open, and the moist smell from inside hit him hard. His eyes adjusted for a moment. It was a large room, littered with crates and work tables. He heard some sort of commotion, but his vision was blocked by stacks of boxes.

A gravel voice responded to the door opening, “Rausen, is that you?”

Garrus froze for a moment, stepping inside quickly. _Rausen. That’s a turian name._ He scaled the side of the crates, and drew his rifle. He peeked between a crate, and his gaze was cast on a sweaty, thin human, who seemed to be in between the legs of some woman. His eyes landed on the familiar mop of red hair and his heart collapsed.  

“Rausen, we better finish up here—” He grunted into her, before standing up more and then finally bothering to look up. His eyes focused on the unfamiliar turian, “Wait—”

A bullet ripped through his heart, forcing the human to stagger backwards and grip at his chest before falling over, dragging several objects from the work table behind him to the ground. They clattered loudly, but Garrus paid no attention as he focused on Shepard.

At first, he thought he had made a mistake. She was near unrecognizable.

His stomach felt like it was turning inside out as he stared at her. She was nude and pale, but the mixture of wounds and fluids on her body made her look somehow covered up in a horrible mess. Her small, straight nose was unnaturally crooked, and her face seemed bluer than the cream color he treasured. He held back a retch as he noticed the blood and vomit that she was caked in, and the mess of fluids between her legs. The wound on her stomach, though, was what really took him aback. It was ragged and blackened, and he couldn’t comprehend how it had been made. Luckily, she didn’t seem to be bleeding out very much, considering how much blood she was covered in.

It was then that he realized her eyes were open, looking towards him. Her gaze made him jump, partly with relief, but it was unnaturally unfocused. He felt like a corpse was looking at him, despite the sound of her breathing.

He reached out and very gingerly placed his hand on her cheek. It seemed to help her focus her eyes and she stared up at him.

“Shepard.”

 A thousand thoughts went through his head. It felt maddening. He forced himself not to ask _Are you okay?_ But other voices swirled in him, most of them screaming. _You left her behind on purpose._ That one stuck out. _You left her and you couldn’t even bring yourself to get here in time._ “I’m going to get you out of here.” His voice faltered slightly, but she nodded gently. Her hands moved down slightly, catching themselves on the chains he hadn’t paid attention to until now.

 She suddenly pulled down on them again, hard. Her body flopped against the table in frustration as she did the same to her feet, “Fuck!” Her eyes looked to the ceiling now, and she looked strange, a combination of frustrated, pissed off, and exhausted. But her body soon relaxed and she turned her face away from him. Her embarrassment was clear and he felt suddenly very flustered.

“I’m going to get them off, I promise…” Garrus examined the cuffs. They had an electronic lock, but working at C-Sec had taught him enough to know how to decrypt some cuffs…especially these lower grade ones that mercs tended to use. His omni-tool came alive and he spent a minute working on it. The silence between them was awkward, a feeling Garrus had never really felt with her. _This is your fault, you know it, and she knows it._ Her face was a cloud of apathy and her eyes were still blank.

The cuffs were each deactivated, one by one, and she brought down her arms slowly to her chest as she winced.

He pressed his comm down on his ear, “Normandy, I’ve got the wounded Commander in a little bit of a hot spot. I’m gonna get her out of here, but I’m going to need immediate transport from our location.”

A crewman’s voice buzzed in his ear, “What kind of condition are we looking at?”

“Moderate. Doctor Chakwas needs to be informed.”

More questions were asked, but Garrus ignored most of them in a blur. He saw her tattered dress on the floor next to him, accidently stepping on it before picking it up. It was cold and bloody, but he draped it over her body before he leaned down to her, “I’m going to pick you up. I don’t want you walking. Is that okay?”

She looked forward and nodded, bracing herself as he slid an arm behind her back and behind her knees. She winced and moaned quietly as her stomach was folded up, but she curled herself into him still. Her body was freezing.

“Getting out of here won’t be that bad. There’s hardly anyone and they don’t seem that interested in who’s actually down here, anyway. We’ve got a transport coming to back us up, too.” He realized his explanation was useless, but he felt like it might comfort her…or at least, it comforted him. Debriefing her, making sure she agreed, and continuing the mission. Just like usual. He felt her small nod against his chest and he felt affirmed. As he began to walk away, he stopped and stared at the human on the floor, remembering the turian name he had blurted out before Garrus murdered him.

He wished he could go back and strangle the man to death instead, but he would’ve gotten in the way of checking on Shepard. She came first. Always. His friend would have to have a different, slower fate, though. He decided upon that as he made his way out of the room with Shepard in his arms, her harsh yet steady breath fogging up his chest armor. 


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn’t long before Garrus was walking up to the transport waiting for them immediately outside. The driver looked over wide eyed as another crewmate opened the door and reached out for Shepard. Garrus pulled her closer to him instinctively, “Is there some sort of emergency blanket or anything in here?”

The crewmate looked nervously around and shrugged. He stared at Garrus and down at Shepard’s body hanging off of his arms. Although part of him realized that the man was probably just taken aback by her wounds, Garrus couldn’t shake the feeling that the man was taking the opportunity to eye his undressed commander.

“Stop fucking looking at her and give me your undershirt,” Garrus snarled. The man stared at Garrus for a moment before he began to take his light armor off while apologizing, handing a large, white undershirt to him in a moment and motioning for the transport to be started.  Garrus’s talons fumbled with the fabric before Shepard pulled it from his hands and carefully slipped it on herself, wincing before falling back against him. She seemed to appreciate it, despite his making an ass of himself.

 The Normandy was in sight minutes after that, and Garrus walked into the lab while ignoring the medics who had escorted them down the stairs to the medbay. Doctor Chakwas was standing at the closest table, her mouth agape as Garrus sat her down on it lightly. Shepard pawed for him stubbornly and he felt immediately sorry for letting go of her.

“Good God, what happened to her?”

“I’m not sure, I found her like this.” His voice shook and the doctor eyed him for a moment before examining Shepard’s eyes. Shepard had remained silent since he had picked her up and did not look like she was going to speak to anyone now.

“Garrus, if you would’ve bothered to respond to their questions, I could’ve been prepared for what you were bringing me,” Her eyes widened as she examined Shepard’s body more, pulling off the undershirt he had given Shepard to avoid embarrassment. She placed a hand on Shepard’s chin, “Commander, it would be helpful if you could tell me what caused the wound on your stomach.”

She sat up on her elbows and winced as the doctor began applying anesthetic to it. Shepard glanced suspiciously wide eyed at Garrus and leaned forward, speaking very quietly into the doctor’s ear. Chakwas only nodded before turning to Garrus and walking him to the door. “Is there anything that you could tell me about this situation, Vakarian?”

His voice hushed as they turned away from Shepard, “I just found her. She was being uh…” His voice dropped even lower, “…Violated. When I showed up.”

The doctor’s eyes searched his for a moment before sighing and softening her features, “By a…human?”

Garrus shuddered at having to respond, but was painfully happy that she remembered to ask that kind of question. “Well, I think there might’ve been a turian too…But that’s only guesswork.”

The doctor’s eyes trailed to her side as she considered the situation. “Christ. Alright, that’s helpful. You should go,” She motioned towards the door with her neck.

He glanced around Chakwas at Shepard, who seemed to be calming down on the table. She was still on her elbows, with a hand rubbing her forehead in fatigue.

Chakwas’ hand landed on his arm suddenly, making him look down at her again.

“She’ll be okay, Garrus. I promise I’ll update you; I just will need to work with her about what happened. After I fix up everything else.”

The door opened behind them as Miranda walked in, her eyes catching on Shepard and then turning towards Garrus, “What the fuck is going on, Vakarian?”

“You two need to get out of here, _now_.” Chakwas looked at them sternly for a moment before turning back to Shepard.

They both walked out of the medbay immediately, but Miranda stopped outside of the doors and nearly pushed Garrus against the wall, “What the fuck happened? I let you search for her, you tell me it’s just to check on her, and now she’s back here naked and beat to shit?”

There were already people standing around after seeing Shepard being carried back, but now most of them watched Miranda and Garrus’s exchange. Garrus glanced around, before Miranda ordered him to her office.

Her door shut behind them in a moment and she turned on her heels, “There better be a good explanation—”

“I told you I was checking to see if she was in a safe place. She wasn’t. So I went to look for her,” His voice became loud and he felt very suddenly agitated.

“Then what the hell happened?”

Garrus felt nauseous again and lowered his voice, “…I don’t know. I found her shackled up in some garages. Looked like a merc hide out. There was only one guy there…I think there were others originally though. They’ve been torturing her.”

“I assume he’s dead.”

Garrus nodded. She turned and stood behind her desk.

“There’ll be more questions…but we’ll wait until Shepard is out of the medbay.  I assume you’re on top of this?”

He paused before starting again, “On top of what?”

Her eyes rolled as she sat down, “Of _this,_ of the investigation or whatever. You’ve already taken charge.”

Her curtness took him aback, but he automatically nodded once more before she waved her hand towards him, turning in her chair and sighing loudly. He took that as his cue to leave, and he did so promptly.

He headed straight back to the main battery, not giving a second thought to the idea of sleep or even of news from his sister. He began to work feverishly on the cannon upgrade, his hands moving faster than usual.  

It was only minutes before they stopped moving suddenly, and he stared down at his screen as he clenched his fists. _Rausen, is that you?_ That human’s voice would not stop ringing in his head, but the satisfying image of him lying in his own blood was soothing at the same time. But _Rausen_. That was a different story. 

If they were mercs, like Garrus suspected, then that was a starting point, especially on Illium. Things could be more complicated if they were on Omega. He remembered Liara and her impressive display of information earlier that day. _She has to be of some help. Has to be._

He glanced at the time, realizing that, one, it was still too early in the morning on Illium to seek out T’Soni and two, he absolutely could not leave until he knew of Shepard’s condition. Until then, he could only fiddle with the ship’s weapons.

It felt like years of busy work before Chakwas’s voice came over his communicator, “Vakarian, Shepard’s going to need an escort to her quarters. Do you think you could handle that?”

He was at the medbay in a heartbeat, opening the door to find Shepard still sitting on the table he left her, now in shorts. Her chest and stomach were wrapped and the rest of her wounds had a notable sheen from the medi-gel. She still looked beat to hell, but her color was markedly better.

Shepard’s eyes avoided his as he came closer to her. He stopped in his steps as he registered the strange smell on her that he somehow didn’t notice in his panic before…the smell of a different turian. It made him pause with nausea before she braced herself on his shoulder, stretching her long legs down to the metal floor and cringing at the movement of her waist. Chakwas handed her a clean t-shirt, which Shepard slipped over her arms slowly. Garrus reached out to help her, but she pulled away from him as she pulled it over her head.

“All you need right now is rest. Come see me after you sleep and we’ll take another look at your abdomen. It needs to be kept clean.”

Shepard nodded towards Chakwas and pressed her weight against Garrus. She finally looked up at him and smiled nervously, “Do you think they’ll ever respect me again after seeing me walk around in shorts?” She nodded her head towards the mess.

Garrus stood there for a moment, dumbstruck at the normalcy of her tone. He had half expected her voice to crack.

“Do you want me to clear them out before we go upstairs?”

“Please, I’m not that delicate.”

Garrus and Chakwas shared glances before he slowly began moving to the door and making their way out of the medbay. Most of the crew had cleared out since earlier, and everyone else kept their distance and curiosity to themselves.

Soon they were at her quarters with him leaning her against her bed before she finally sat down. Her body’s weight wrinkled her grey blankets as she tilted her head to look at her bandaged stomach. He stood still a few feet away from the bed.

“Do you want me to leave?”

She looked up wide eyed at him. Their eyes locked and Garrus felt flustered again. There was an unspoken tension and confusion between them about what had happened, and it felt like it was going to spill out onto the floor.

“Please, don’t,” Her voice was light and small, and he suddenly felt very large compared to her. Her small frame was made up of muscle, but her bandages, cloth shorts and black eye made her seem like a waif. It wasn’t pity that he felt for her, definitely not. It was just the realization of his need to see her normal again. It burned in him, and he restrained himself from picking her up in his arms again, no matter how useless of an action that would be.

He settled for sitting on the bed next to her. His weight made the bed sag more on his side, and she leaned her head into his shoulder reflexively. She stayed there for a minute before he realized she had begun to cry, sniffing quietly and gripping him tighter.

“Fucking God damn it, Garrus. I feel so awful.”

He put his arm around her gently and didn’t say anything. The quiet crying turned into wets sobs, and they slowly ended up lying on the bed as they faced each other on their sides. Her body was mostly tucked towards the mattress and her face turned red, “I can’t believe I let this happen.”

Garrus shook his head, and the guilt he felt earlier returned to his throat, “You didn’t let anything happen. I promise.”

She sniffled and had begun to calm down as she flicked her gaze into his eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head and curled herself into her knees, “We will. Not now though, okay?”

He nodded and ran his hand through her hair with extreme care. He did so long after she closed her eyes and seemed to drift into sleep. He realized then how long he had been awake and it hit his body hard. They lay nearly half a meter apart and were above the blankets, but the presence of her warm, calm body next to him let him fall asleep quickly.

* * *

 

He woke up with a start to the sound of Shepard’s shower, unsure of how long he had been asleep. His head rose slowly as his gaze met her standing in her bathroom, her hair tilted towards the pouring water with her body leaning away. She was still in her shorts but was topless other than her bandages, and she was scrubbing her scalp hard. She didn’t seem to notice him as he got out of bed, walked across the room, and then leaned against the bathroom door.

“Shepard, I—”

She jumped back with a tiny gasp before she scowled at him, shaking her head, “Jesus, don’t scare me like that.”

“Why are you washing your hair?” The concept of hair still confused him, especially with this obsession of keeping it clean.

“Because it’s dirty.”

“Well, be careful. You don’t want to be getting those bandages wet,” He continued watching her, and couldn’t help but feeling amorously despite her scars. He reached out and had begun to run a finger down her back when she coiled herself away and shot him a poison look.

“Don’t. Do that. Please?”

Their eyes met and she furrowed her eyebrows in a painful manner before placing her head underneath the shower again. Garrus cursed at himself and walked sheepishly back to her bed before lying down again. The shower turned off and she slipped on a shirt before running her hair through a towel.

She sat down next to him on the bed, lifting one foot with her hands and examining her toe nails.

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” She said matter-of-factly, “Is that what you want to hear?”

Garrus was silent and confused for a moment before sitting up gently, “Why would I want you to feel like that?”

She was silent and had begun to pick at her nails. Garrus chose his words carefully, “Do you want to talk about some—”

“They knew who you were.”

His mind reeled, “What?”

She turned to him suddenly, dropping her foot from her hands, “They didn’t even know who I was at first. They only talked about you.” She spoke calmly and quietly in a flat tone.

He stared at her for a minute before sitting up all the way and getting closer to her. He reached out, and grabbed her arm softly, “What do you _mean_ , they were talking about me?”

She was silent and shook her head, sighing as her face turned red again, “They were mercs. From _Omega_. You shot one of them, he said. He called you Archangel, but he knew your name,” Her voice was starting to choke and her eyes were wet, “I told you about a turian looking at me in the bar, Garrus, and Christ, I know it was him. I realized that when I woke up…”

Garrus sat there, speechless and numb. It was quiet for a minute before words started spilling from Shepard, recounting every detail she could remember; her leaving the bar and being attacked, the transport they pushed her into, the table they had put her on. Her voice got lighter and faster with every pause. “When he… _Rausen_ , finished talking about you, he said—” She swallowed and closed her eyes, “He said he was going to _taint_ me for you. He took a blow torch and heated a hammer up with it, and fucking dug it into me,” She gripped at her sides, “And then he fucked me and he left and the other one— _Vick_ —he fucked me and never stopped mocking me. He said I was going to die and I believed him until you showed up. I fucking believed him,” She wiped her eyes and inhaled, grasping for composure for a moment before finishing, “So, yeah. That’s what happened.”

Garrus was paying strong attention, but a voice begun to shout in his head, making everything else fade. _They went after her because of me_.  _They saw me with her and that’s the only reason why this happened._ She gave a wet cough and she finally looked back up at Garrus, “I know you could smell them on me. I could tell by the look on your face when you walked me back here last night. I would scrub all my skin off if I could but I _can’t_ ; not with all these goddamn open sores on me. I can only wash my hair but it’s not _enough_.”

Garrus began to shake his head, despite remembering the scent.  It had been nauseating, but the entire situation was.  The circumstances were so rotten and horrible, and he really hadn’t thought much of it at the time.  

She fell into his lap, nestling into him. He pulled her closely to him as he picked her face up in his hands, “Shepard. Nothing will ever change you for me. Nothing like that…” He ran his hands through her wet hair as he stumbled for words. Hot rage was burning in him, and the focus on taking care of Shepard was becoming more divided.

He remembered how pissed off he was at her annoyance in the bar. News from his sister had yet to come, and all Shepard could talk about was how boring he was. He made a point of not looking up when she remarked, laughing, that a turian was looking at her. _Big fucking deal,_ he had thought.

But now…Spirits, now he could only imagine the what-ifs. If he had just looked up and met eyes with him. If he had just sucked it up and stayed with her…everything would be different. They never would have got the courage to attack them both. They had to wait until one of them was _alone_ , that’s how cowardly they were.

But no. He had left her, then thinking for a horrible, vengeful moment that he hoped she would get lost without him on her way back to the Normandy. Remembering that made him feel physically ill.

“Shepard…Spirits. I’m so sorry. All of this is my fault.” His voice faltered.

She looked up at him wide eyed and pale, shaking her head violently, “No, Garrus. That isn’t what I meant...”

He mimicked her head shaking, and pulled her face closer to his, forcing her to make eye contact with him, “Shepard, I—”

He stopped himself as he began thinking. He was about to say that he was going to set things right, that he would rip that turian’s throat out with his own talons, that he wasn’t going to let it go away. But he realized suddenly that her reaction to that would be horrid. She would cry and beg him not to; she would make him promise to her that he wouldn’t act, and he couldn’t bear not keeping a promise to her now.  

“…I love you, Shepard. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled him tight to her, whispering in his ear, “Thank you so much for coming to get me.”

“It wasn’t enough. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get there in better time. I’m so sorry I left you.”

She only shook her head, “It isn’t your fault. Please, please stop apologizing.” Her voice cracked and he fell silent.

They held on to each other for a long time, and he lost himself in her warmth. His mind was quiet for a while, and he jumped when she spoke again, “I know you have work to do. I do too. You don’t have to feel pressured to stay here.”

Liara’s office crossed his mind and he caressed her face lightly, “I do, but I can stay with you as long as you need.  Are you positive?”

“I’m fine, I need to talk to Lawson and see Doctor Chakwas, anyway.”

He paused and considered it a moment before he nodded and kissed her on the cheek. As he stood, he saw a decent shirt of hers lying out on her couch, “Here, let’s get you dressed. Lift your arms up a little.”

Her lips pouted, “You don’t have to baby me.”

“Bullshit, I know how much it hurts to dress yourself when you have a wound like that. Just come here.”

She rolled her eyes, but let him pull the shirt down carefully over her shoulders. Soon after, he had each of her legs through a standard issue pants leg, and she didn’t complain.

He patted her thigh before standing up, “I’ll see you before too long, I promise.”

She waved him away with her hand as she stood and checked the messages on her terminal. He walked out of the room and turned around to glance at her once more. She was looking quite pretty, like always, despite being battered. His hot anger returned as the door closed and she disappeared from sight. It was time to go to the armory.

 

* * *

 

Liara was sitting at her desk, reading her display, as Garrus walked into her office. Her large eyes melted and her legs uncrossed when she recognized him, “Garrus, what are you doing here again?”

He fiddled awkwardly with his hands, rubbing the back of his neck as he came forward, “I’m sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy. I need your help with something, though…”

Her smile faded slightly, “With what?” She motioned with her hand for him to sit in the blue padded chair in front of her, and he did so nervously.

“I need your help finding someone.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Who?”

Garrus leaned forward, shifting his gaze to the windows behind her as he tried to keep his tone even, “Have you heard anything about Shepard?”

Her face tilted in befuddlement, “No, you three were just here yesterday. Did something happen?”

“You could say that,” He scratched his forehead with a talon as he thought of how to present the situation to her. He put his weight on his knees as he spoke, “I, uh….I assume you know about my time on Omega?”

She leaned back in her chair, “Yes…’Archangel’ and all that nonsense.”

Garrus smiled slightly and was comforted by her familiar dismissal before starting again, “Nonsense or not, I think I made some enemies during my time there. Well…I know I did. But it wasn’t a problem until last night—”

“Is Shepard…okay?”

Her sudden question made Garrus pause and he met eyes with her before responding, “Yes, but, she’s been better. I guess.”

“What happened?”

He stared down at the floor, feeling ill. His mind went blank as a thousand images of last night ran through his head. He put his face in his hands and words came to him as he pieced it together, “We went out last night, me and her, and I’ve been…stressed out, you know. We got into an argument and I left her at a bar,” He grunted a sigh, “Because I’m an asshole. A few hours later, I was trying to fall asleep and I checked my messages and realized she should have been back at the Normandy. I scanned for her damn Cerberus body…I hoped she was with you,” Liara’s eyes cast downwards, “She wasn’t. I found her in some damned merc hideout with a human. He’s dead,” Garrus’s eyes closed, recalling his bloody body again, “But there’s another one who had left before I showed up. A turian.  Apparently I had shot him before, on Omega.” He shook his head, “They really roughed her up, Liara. And they did it because they recognized me when I was with her.  There might never be a formal report given to security about this, and I wouldn’t trust anyone to hand out justice for this, other than me. Not for Shepard.”

Liara was silent as she placed her hand down on her desk and fiddled with a small glass ornament. Her face was full of trouble and her lips pouted. She looked up and spoke uncertainly, “So, you’re hoping I can give you his information, so you can track him down…and do what exactly?”

Garrus stared blankly at her, unsure of how to answer. He felt uncomfortable and suddenly defensive…as if he even _needed_ to explain himself. The course of action seemed so simple to him, so clear. He was getting tired of these doubtful eyes he seemed to be getting lately, and he considered ignoring the question before shrugging finally, “What needs to be done…For Shepard.”

“For Shepard, or for you?” Their eyes met and he stayed silent. She paused before starting again, “I take that this is personal request, not one from the Normandy.”

He nodded.

“This has trouble written all over it…I assume you know his name?”

“Rausen.”

Her brow rose and she sighed, “A turian merc, from Omega, named Rausen. That’s more than enough.”

Garrus nodded and gazed at her expectedly.

“You do realize what Shepard would do to me if you got hurt trying to _avenge_ her, right?”

“She knows how convincing I can be. And do you really think that’s a possibility?”

Her lips straightened, “Not really, but that’s what I would say about a lot of things that have happened around me.” Despite her doubtfulness, she was already typing into her database, and Garrus watched her attentively, “I’ll help you because I know you won’t drop this either way, but you need to promise me that you’ll be careful.”

“Always, Liara.”

She gave a half-smile before glancing at her screen and furrowing her brow, “Give me a minute.”

Garrus stood up and stared out the window while examining the city. His thoughts turned to Shepard and how she was feeling. He hoped there would be an extension of this shore leave. They didn’t have to go out and save the galaxy _immediately,_ right?

“Rausen…is a ranking member of the Blue Suns. They don’t have much of a footing here, so he must be here for some sort of serious business…He’s been here for three months, from Omega. Looks like he has a temporary residence here.”

Garrus eyes widened as he turned to her, “Do you know where that is?”

She rolled her eyes, “Yes. You’ll be able to get there by transport. Looks like some kind of rental complex. I wouldn’t worry about security either; he’s not that high ranking.”

“That’s good news.”

Liara stood up, still moving information across her display that lacked any sense to Garrus, “I’m sending the relevant material to you now…But Garrus?”

He looked up from the screen, “Hmm?”

“Is this for Shepard, or is this for you?”

They stood staring at each other for a moment before he let his eyes drop, already shaking his head defensively, “…Liara, I—”

“We lead complicated lives, Garrus. The people who love us understand that.”

Liara’s reasoning reminded him of Shepard’s quiet voice whenever he was doing something questionable.  He hid his frustration as he checked his omnitool impatiently, “This is something I have to take care of. I know you understand.”

Her eyes looked away shyly, “Yes. I’m just making sure that _you’re_ sure…You should give it some time…”

“I know you’re trying to help me keep blood off my hands, but I’ve already started. You’re a good friend, Liara, but I can’t stop now,” His omnitool lit up and he glanced at the information sent to him, trying to avoid her eyes.

“When is this going to happen?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll check the place out. I can’t be away from Shepard for too long, though. She might need me.”

“Well, keep me posted on what happens, I guess…You’re good to her, Garrus.”

He glanced up at her cerulean face and felt a tinge of heat in his cheeks, “Thanks.”

Liara sat down in her chair as it rolled back slightly beneath her. She laid her hands flat out on the table, examining them, “Now if that’s everything, I really do have work I need to be doing. But don’t discourage Shepard from coming to see me again, if she ever brings it up…if she needs to talk to anyone.”

He turned his body towards the door, reaching for his rifle gently, as unconsciously as one checks for their wallet. “Thank you for the help, Liara. Be careful, yourself.”

She smiled warmly as he left the room, before she turned and watched the city go by her window as she thought about Shepard.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is satisfying and interesting enough. If you had anything in mind, loved it or hated it, leave a comment telling me what you think!

Garrus was at the nearest transport hub a minute after leaving T’Soni’s. His excitement was hard to contain as he pinpointed the location. Liara’s questioning had made him think of Shepard, and he wasn’t sure how he would broach the subject of this to her, if at all. Maybe after she had healed and had, for the most part, returned to normal. He could imagine telling her and her arms crossing in defiance, her hips jutting slightly to the right of her. He gave a small smile at that image.

It wasn’t long before he was at the apartment complex and stepping out of the transport. The sun was setting, and Garrus realized how late his day had started. The building was in a low-laying, crowded part of the city, and there were plenty of people standing around and making their way in and out of restaurants and bars nearby.

He verified the location with his omni-tool and made his way into the large, high ceilinged hallways that led in between apartments. It was instantly quieter and cooler. The unusual smell of other people’s domestics filled his nose as he examined each door. He kept his head low, turning the last corner before finding the number Liara had given him.

He reasoned that the apartments were large, given the amount of space in between each doorway. The room was slightly secluded around the corner of the hallway, and Garrus examined it thoughtfully. The various ways he could trap this turian flashed in his mind.

Garrus’ omni-tool came alive, and he scanned the room in front of him for life signs. They came up negative, and he grinned. He thought of Shepard and what he said to Liara about checking on her. There couldn’t be a better time for this, though, and he began hacking the door, smirking in anticipation.

The decryption was taking longer than expected though, probably owing itself to some half-assed security placed on the lock. Garrus nervously checked his surroundings again. The empty hall echoed behind him and he looked back down at his omni-tool. The door finally cracked open, and he was pleased at the inconsistency of merc technology.

After checking over his shoulder once more, Garrus slid the door open very slowly. The room was dark, but his eyes adjusted quickly. He took a deep breath with his familiar rifle drawn as he pushed into the room.

He slid his body against the wall next to him, listening quietly. The sounds of the city bustle were far away and muted, and the apartment was very still.

Like he had supposed, the apartment was larger than he expected for one, low level merc. He relaxed and began slowly checking out the place. The main room was messy, the modern furnishings mostly crowded with trash and turian food. The coffee table was laden with cigarettes and jars that were powdered in red.

The rest of the space was forgettable. A bedroom that was equally messy was down the hallway. The main room led into a kitchen, which had various convenient nooks. A good place to see what was happening in the main room without being seen yourself.

Garrus pressed his body in the corner, in between cabinets and the wall. He checked his omni-tool, finding a new message from Shepard: “Where are you?”

He sighed and rested his head. There couldn’t be a better time for this than now. It _had_ to happen _now_. He closed the message and pushed the image of her face from his thoughts.

After trying to keep himself from dozing, Garrus finally heard footsteps come closer than he had heard before in the hallway. He furrowed his brow as he heard the distinct titter of a turian female laughing, and he cursed at himself.

A moment later, the door slid open. Garrus pressed himself farther into the dark corner.

“So, how long have you had the place?”

The male voice resonated in the room, “A couple months.”

“I like it.”

“Well, it’s nicer than a lot of the places I’ve had to stay at while doing this.”

“Doing what, exactly?”

Garrus caressed his rifle. _They don’t know each other._ _Good._ If they did, he couldn’t count on her leaving the scene the instant he made his presence known. He gripped the gun now, tightly.

“Do you have anything to drink?”

“Yeah, give me a sec.”

A moment later, the turian walked past Garrus as he reached out for his fridge. There was a moment of sweet anticipation before Garrus stepped forward automatically and pressed the rifle against his head, “Don’t fucking move.”

The silence from the living room was overwhelming as Garrus waited for a response, before the woman finally spoke, “Rausen?”

Garrus pushed forward on the gun until Rausen moved into the living room, Garrus’s other hand settling on the shoulder in front of him. The woman’s dark eyes became large, and her hands rose on her sides as she looked at Garrus, “I do not want any trouble. Really.”

Garrus pressed the gun harder against Rausen, “I think you should go.”

The woman nodded curtly and picked her purse up from the coffee table. The door closed behind her quickly, and now the silence weighed on the two men standing front-to-back.

“Some friend you have.”

“She’s just some whore. I didn’t expect anything else,” His head shook disapprovingly, “Now, who _the fuck_ are you?”

Garrus smiled and thought about it for a second, “I’ll let you think about that for a while.”

“Great.”

“I’m going to need you to put your hands behind your back.”

“I’m going to need you to tell me what your problem is.”

Garrus pushed the rifle harder into Rausen’s neck, “I have no qualms about killing you now, but I have things I’d like to discuss with you, and I don’t trust you otherwise.”

The hands begrudgingly slid behind him, and Garrus used one hand to remove the Normandy handcuffs he had tucked in his armor. He went back and forth between looking at the back of Rausen’s head and closing the cuffs on his wide wrists. They locked satisfyingly into place. He remembered Shepard’s small wrists pulling against the cuffs she was locked in when he found her, and he felt nauseatingly proud.

Garrus wrapped his free hand around the turian’s neck and threw him onto the couch roughly. He lolled for a second, disoriented, before looking up at the other turian that stood before him. His eyes widened in recognition, but he didn’t say anything.

“Do you know who I am?”

Still nothing.

“I know you do. And I know you know why I’m here,” Garrus leaned down and made eye contact with him, “I can’t imagine what you thought would happen, fucking with me and a Spectre. Maybe you weren’t thinking at all.”

Rausen tried to lean back, looking uncomfortable against his connected hands.

“It’s unfortunate for you that you couldn’t have been there when I found your associate. It would’ve been over a lot faster for you. I’m sure you didn’t think this would lead back to you,” Garrus pulled the coffee table away from the couch, letting him lean closer to him, “But it did.”

Rausen tipped away from Garrus as the cadence of his breathing picked up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“You don’t?”

“No.”

Garrus reached down suddenly and gripped his rough throat, pulling him up in his seat, “You can play the coward’s role for the remaining minutes of your life, but it won’t change how this ends.”

It was then that Garrus’s legs were kicked out from under him, and he landed hard on his back, the wind knocking out of his chest. He could hear the other turian get up from his couch and try to get to the other side of the room, but Garrus swiftly threw his feet underneath Rausen, forcing him to stumble to the floor. Garrus soon crawled on top of his back, pushing his face hard against the floor.

Garrus leaned forward and grabbed his chin roughly, pulling his ear closing to his mouth, “Is it hard for you, playing one-on-one? I realize you’re not wearing any armor…but I don’t think Shepard was, either,” He paused, relishing the sound of the turian’s quivering breathing. He felt an abrupt urge to bite into his face, yearning to taste metal blood as he gnashed his face. Garrus resisted, though, sitting back while keeping one hand firm on his back.

Garrus activated his omni-blade, smiling as he examined it for a minute, “Tell me about when I shot you, before.”

The turian began to slow his breathing down, “Fuck you.”

Garrus grabbed his neck again and pushed the omni-blade against his throat, “What did I do to you?”

The body beneath him sighed and shook his head, “…You broke up a group of slave traders we were meeting with. You killed my friend right on the spot when you showed up. And got my hip as I was getting away. You were more interested in the slavers, though. Lucky for me,” His textured voice was muffled into the floor, but his anger was audible, “Lost a huge client after that.”

Garrus cocked his head, thinking, “I remember that. That was a good night,” Memories played in his head of inviting Sidonis with him to interrogate the slavers, and drinking together afterwards for a job well done. They were happy memories that quickly turned sour in his mind. “Spirits, is that really it? You should consider yourself lucky you weren’t round up with those pieces of shit. We weren’t kind to them.”

Rausen flexed his shoulders trying to move before Garrus pinned him down harder, “That wasn’t the only friend of mine you killed, you fuck.”

His hateful words made Garrus pause before he felt himself lose control. He picked up the turian by his neck again, pulling it back as far as it would go and listening to the sound of his choked breathing, “If only I had time to add you to the pile of your dead friends then. But you weren’t important enough,” He squeezed tighter, as the body beneath him began to spasm and flop, “I’m sorry I couldn’t have known how spineless you are.”

Garrus let go, Rausen’s head falling to the floor with a thud as his chest filled with air violently. Garrus savored the turian’s harsh clinging to consciousness.

Shepard’s disapproving glare flashed in his mind, the one she had given him when he shot Harkin in the leg. It made him pause. She had allowed him that, only to get between him and his shot with Sidonis later that day. The look on her face as she stared up at Garrus after she told him not to shoot him had been different. His hands had shook as he contemplated shooting Shepard’s arm out so he could focus on Sidonis—just for a moment. She knew he was thinking that, and when he gave the order to let Sidonis go, she gazed up at him and looked quite like his mother. Turian and human faces aside, it was the same expression his mother would give him after he finished having a tantrum and was sniffling in defeat. A look of love and understanding mixed with over worn patience.

The memory made him feel vulnerable, and he was surprised when Rausen coughed violently before starting, “You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re any better than me, _Vakarian_.”

“You murder for profit and you assaulted a defenseless female for petty _vengeance,_ because you were too scared to fuck with _me_ again,” The words hissed out of Garrus.

The turian beneath him laughed quietly, “ _Assaulted?_ Can’t you just say it?” He tittered again, “Just say it. I fucked her,” He turned his head sideways to glance at Garrus, “We both fucked her until she bled. The great Commander Shepard. _He_ fucked her throat until she vomited. Has she gotten so used to swallowing turian sperm that humans make her sick now? Quite an adjustment between humans and turians. It’s too bad I couldn’t see her reaction to mine. But she was pretty full of mine anyway, wasn’t she, Vakarian?”

Silence took the room, as Garrus stared at the back of the head below him. Shepard’s and his mother’s faces drifted far away from him. All he saw was the freckled, dark blue fringe that was lying sideways below him.

The silence made Rausen laugh harder, and Garrus took only one more moment of contemplation before bringing his hand down hard on Rausen’s head, keeping it sideways. He held it on the floor as he reared the omni-blade up to the turian’s fringe.

Garrus grasped for something to say, but found himself speechless. Figuring words were pointless, he began cutting through the fleshy horns, popping them off one by one. Rausen writhed his entire body in pain as he began to scream roughly, but Garrus pressed his entire body weight against him, with the rest of his muscle focusing on his head and the blade. Navy blood spurted forth, staining the back of Rausen’s neck and Garrus’s hands.

With nearly half of Rausen’s fringe gone, Garrus sat up and flipped the turian’s body over so he could see his face. Words began to slur out of Garrus, words he couldn’t comprehend, as he began to smash his face in with plated fists.

Part of him began to encourage himself to stop. _He deserves worse than this. Keep him alive. Break his knees. Cut off his talons._ But Garrus continued to beat his face in, feeling disappointed every time he raised his hands to find the light still in his eyes.

He was finally able to stop himself after one more blow, standing up as he examined Rausen. His breaths were hardly more than stilted whimpers, and Garrus felt pleased. His face was mostly caved in, and his sharp, turian teeth were ragged and broken. He looked up at Garrus, waiting for him to end it.

Garrus took a glance around the apartment before he turned suddenly, slamming his foot onto Rausen’s kneecap. The turian gasped and yelped as Garrus grinded it against the floor. It was a last ditch effort to see his eyes widen in pain before Garrus took a step forward and lifted his foot over Rausen’s face. His head began to shake as a gurgling dissent shook in his throat, but Garrus brought the foot down hard and listened for the comforting crunch of skull. Blood ran like a stream over stones onto the carpet, and it was then that Garrus lifted his foot and caught his breath.

He stood looking at the body for a very long time, listening to his own breathing and the chaos of the city outside. He stretched his neck and shoulders and finally sighed.

The local authorities would have to be contacted about the Normandy having special businesshere. The _all-inclusive_ Spectre pass. He smiled when he thought of how much he had hated the carnage Spectre’s left behind in their wake on the Citadel. They always abused their power, and always caused more work for everyone else.

He stepped over the body, his bloody boots sticking to the floor, over to the sink before he had begun to wash his hands and armor of blue stains. He remembered Shepard’s face, this time black and blue and unresponsive.

He understood the necessity to abuse power every so often, now.

* * *

 

Garrus reached her door hours later, examining his talons before he requested to come in. A line of crusted of azure made him pause, before he carefully chipped it off and looked back to the door. It opened a moment later, and his eyes landed upon Shepard lying in bed in her clothes, sitting up awkwardly and rubbing her eyes. The sight of her was unexpectedly comforting, and he smiled slightly.

 “In bed already, Shepard?”

Her eyes rolled as he came closer, “Shut up. I was just…resting. I’ve been dealing with a lot since I’ve been up…as if that’s unusual.”

Garrus walked to the side of her, picking up her socks that were lying on the floor. He sat down next to her, his weight adjusting the bed, “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” He leaned on one arm towards her as he focused on her face. Her color was good and he could tell that Chakwas had been working on making the numerous thin cuts less noticeable.

“Where have you been today? I messaged you, but you never replied.”

He leaned down on his elbow fully now, “Oh, I was just checking out the black market here for anything useful. It doesn’t get much better than here, you know.”

She nodded thoughtfully, “You were gone for a long time.”

He looked up at her anxiously, reaching out and resting his hand against her waist, “…I’m sorry. I’ve been doing some thinking. About my mother. Keeps me pensive when I’m out.”

Shepard’s lime eyes opened wide, “Is there news?”

“Not really. Just a…deteriorating situation.”

They laid there in silence for a few moments, Shepard obviously deep in thought. A small amount of guilt set in Garrus’s stomach, despite his story not being a complete lie. Just withholding information from Shepard was unusual though, and he glanced up at her curiously. He ran a finger very gently down her abdomen, “How is this feeling?”

She reached down and raised her undershirt up, showing him the freshly bandaged wound as if he could see the injury through it. “Fine. Chakwas took a look at it and said I should be good to go in a few days.”

Garrus examined her toned, cream stomach with concern before moving his arm up and cradling her chin in his hands, “And how are you feeling?”

She looked down as if suddenly in pain, “Better than last night. Feels like I’ve got everything and nothing on my mind right now, you know?” Her voice squeaked, “…Quiet and loud. I’m not being very productive. It’ll get better, though." She blushed faintly, "I feel better now that you're here, too.”

“We need to stay here and get our bearings. I’m not going to allow you to put yourself on the line when your mind is preoccupied.”

She furrowed her brow and lowered her voice, “I know that.”

Garrus instinctively tilted his head forward and rested it on her chest for a moment, “Mmm. We can just stay here for weeks and weeks and just sleep, if you wanted.”

She snorted a laugh and ran her hand down his fringe, “I’m sure you’d love—Oh, Garrus, what did you do to your head?”

“Hmm?” He lifted it up and looked at her.

“It looks like you might’ve hit your head or something, you have a little cut.”

“Oh,” He gripped the back of his neck and looked back up at her, “I banged it against the shower head, yesterday or so. I don’t think Cerberus thought of turians when designing their facilities, much.”

She glanced back down at it for a minute before smiling slightly at his remark, “I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms more fully around her and they laid in silence. Every so often, he would grip her tightly and she would respond by doing the same. He let himself drift into warmth and thought. It amazed him that she hadn’t asked about if there was any investigation going on about her assault, or if it had been successful. She seemed to lack any interest in pursuing it. He realized she must have just trusted that the job would be done by someone and it would be adequate. He admired her for her nonchalance, but was also envious of it. She seemed to be somehow letting go of it faster than he could, and he felt cowardly for a moment.

“You know, I’d do anything for you, Shepard. Right?”

She paused, shifting her body so she could look at him. Her eyes blinked slowly in exhaustion, “Right. Why? Is something wrong?”

He shook his head and ran his hand through her hair, watching the strands glide off each finger, mesmerized, “No. You’re just why I…do most of the things I do.”

She thought about that for a moment before she let a small laugh escape her throat while settling her head on his chest, “Gosh, Garrus. Quite the romantic tonight.”

He stared forward blankly, gently rubbing the strands of hair between his forefinger and thumb, “Yeah…I guess so.”

* * *

 

Shepard’s thin fingers laced the top of the glass that she cupped with her other hand. She was feeling rather calm, and lost herself in contemplation of the still gently swirling drink when she looked back up at Liara’s concerned eyes.

Some time had passed since they had last been on Illium, but a crew request had brought them back for a two night stay. She had been waiting to see Liara ever since they had left. Her presence was comforting and felt routine, despite them seeing each other rarely now.

“Sorry about the time. You know how it is,” Liara’s body leaned forward, knocking against the table slightly while looking expectedly up at Shepard.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Tonight is your first night here, right?”

Shepard nodded.

“Good. I’d like to see Garrus. It’s been a while.”

“I’m sure he’d like to see you.”

“How have things been, between you and him?”

Shepard gave a small grin, reclining back in her chair, “Liara, do you really think I fraternize with my subordinates?”

“The _Normandy_ is stricter in some areas, but less strict in others. I know that for a fact,” Liara smirked and leaned on her elbows.

 Shepard shook her head, still smiling, before starting again, “They’re good. He’s good. Having a support system is nice in these conditions.”

“That doesn’t surprise me a bit.”

They were silent for a moment and both took a sip from their glasses. The bar was quiet, and their corner of it was empty.

“We never…got a chance to talk about what happened, last time you were here.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed as her newfound relaxation disappeared, “Who told you about that?”

Liara backpedaled, “Garrus told me. Not much, just a…summary.”

Shepard’s eyes rolled, “It’s fine, I just wasn’t sure how many people knew about it. I’m hoping it’s been kept quiet. But you know how people are.”

“I do,” Her large eyes gazed at Shepard, and she squirmed uncomfortably.  Liara was a close friend, but she often made Shepard feel like she was under a microscope when she examined her so exhaustively.  

The sudden mix of pressure and exposed feelings made Shepard pause while trying to imagine what she could say on the subject. Liara deserved an explanation, and she knew she was reaching out as a friend.  She looked down to examine her hand that was cold and wet from condensation on her glass, sighing, “…It’s funny, I’ve been manhandled before when I was a younger soldier, and it somehow felt more expected than it happening as a Spectre and the leader I am now, even though the stakes are so different.”

“Well, it had something to do with Garrus, right?”

Garrus being mentioned startled Shepard, making her sit up, “…Yeah. Jesus, how much did he tell you?”

Liara’s cheeks tinted dark, “Really not that much. He was feeling guilty, Shepard.”

Shepard shook her head, “Knowing he feels guilty just makes me feel worse. I can’t stand the idea that he ever feels down on himself. He doesn’t need that.”

“Does he still?”

Shepard’s shoulders shrugged, “I don’t know. He gets that horrible look on his face when I have bad dreams. Like, he’ll be comforting me, but you can tell his mind is in a totally different place. Or when we’re messing around and I have to stop him so I can tell him something I just remembered,” Her brow furrowed, “Which is really terrible of me, but I can’t just bottle up memories like that when I have this sort of relationship with someone.”

Liara’s eyes widened, “When you’re messing around?”

Shepard cheeks became hot and she squirmed in her chair again, “Yeah, it used to give me some vivid flashbacks. Took me a while. It’s gotten better, though. Really.”

Liara’s head shook as her face twisted in bewilderment, “…Why would thatgive you flash backs?”

Shepard looked away and she stopped to speak as she raised her glass to her lips, “Flashbacks of being raped, Liara…” Her frank explanation made Liara look down, putting both of her hands flat on the table before she looked back up at Shepard.

“Goddess, Shepard. I didn’t know that,” Her voice was incredulous and her eyes looked hurt.

“…What do you mean, you didn’t know that?”

Liara lowered her voice as she moved closer to Shepard unconsciously, “Well, Garrus didn’t tell me _that_ part.”

“Then what _did_ he tell you?”

“He told me you had been hurt. But I didn’t think…”

“Oh. Well….yeah, then.”

They shared silence for several moments, before Liara took a long drink and examined something behind Shepard’s shoulder, “It’s no wonder why he asked for my help then.”

Shepard stopped awkwardly swirling her finger on the rim of her glass as she shook her head in confusion, “What do you mean, he asked you for help?”

“Oh.” Liara looked away and settled in her chair uncomfortably, “Afterwards…he was looking for one of them. And I helped him with the information he gave me,” She swallowed.

Shepard attempted to not appear annoyed, and tried to imagine the day after the incident and what Garrus had done. The investigation had been the farthest thing from her mind during that time. It had to be done, but she would have just as soon have called the thing off if it wasn’t mandatory. It felt pointless to mull over a personal attack like that, even though she knew she only avoided the subject because of how uncomfortable it was.

She thought of Garrus and pictured him putting down his rifle after Sidonis walked away. Her stomach started to hurt as she spoke, “Was he alone?”

“He was with…Illium Security,” Liara’s gaze flicked between Shepard and the bar, reaching up to her face in an unconscious tell.

“Was he, really?” Shepard’s face angled forward and her voice deepened.

Liara’s gaze caught up with Shepard’s and her lips straightened, “…No. I’m sorry. Damn it.”

Shepard mouth opened as if to say something, but words failed her. She took a deep breath and drank more, quickly feeling tired.

“….I’m sorry, Shepard. I didn’t mean to complicate things. I really didn’t know.”

“It’s fine. Please,” Her eyes looked up at a blinding light for a moment, hoping to contain her emotion, “Look, I didn’t realize until now that I haven’t had much closure about this. I’ve avoided thinking about it so it’s just….difficult to process. I can’t really talk about it right now.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

The two women were silent for a few minutes, and Shepard could sense Liara’s guilty uneasiness. She searched for something to say, yearning to change the subject, before she finally begun again, “So, how long has it been since you’ve talked to Alenko?”

Liara relaxed and smiled hesitantly, and they talked for the next few hours.

* * *

 

After returning to the Normandy and entering her cabin, Shepard considered heading straight to bed. The chatting and gossiping with Liara was relaxing, despite the underlying disquietness she felt as the back of her mind wrestled with how to talk to Garrus now. Her mind stirred, and she glanced at her terminal.

_“It wasn’t your call, Shepard. It was **mine**! Mine to make!”_

_She turned on her heels and pointed her finger towards his chest, “ **Everything** is **my** call to make, Garrus, god **damn** it.”_

Shepard could not remember Liara ever lying to her before, and she smiled bitterly when she realized that if Liara had just told her the truth originally about Garrus acting alone, she wouldn’t have considered it odd. She would have assumed he had just shown up at her office by himself, acting on other’s orders.

She relaxed her weight against her desk. She could have asked Liara more, but her discomfort made Shepard squeamish herself, and she had not yet reasoned why Liara would be so nervous. The answer had become more and more clear to her as the night went on, though.

As tough and impregnable as Garrus was, he was an excellent teammate precisely because he was incredibly passionate about what he believed in. His commitment to protecting others was his best and most betraying of his traits. His failures made him come undone at the seams, and Shepard knew he was always in need of channeling his pain into a functional anger.

She had tried so hard to support his sanity when he learned about Sidonis. Not coincidently, that incident had occurred right before they had become romantic. He was dreadfully angry at her immediately after she stopped him, but it wasn’t long until it seemed to turn into acceptance and even what Shepard thought was appreciation. His confession of that had led to their first night together, and she remembered that with a small smile.

_“Why did you stop me, Shepard? Why let me come so close?”_

_“You might’ve let him change you, but I’d be damned if I just stood there and let him do that.”_

Her thoughts turned as she imagined the possible fates of that awful turian she had met those several weeks ago. If she was right, Garrus had found him alone, and either murdered him in a thousand different ways, or, by restraining himself, had handed him to Security and washed his hands of it.

There was one way to find out for sure, though.

 “EDI, I’m going to need Security reports from the city in these date ranges, regarding anything that required Normandy endorsement after-the-fact,” She tapped onto her terminal for a moment, before her door pinged behind her.

“Cancel that, EDI.”

She forgot about everything the instant she turned to see Garrus taking one step inside, seemingly surprised to see Shepard standing at her desk, “I thought you’d be in bed. Am I interrupting something?”

Shepard grinned and shook her head, turning to him, “No, don’t worry about it. I just got in.”

“You saw Liara?”

She nodded, “She seemed happy. She asked about you.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

Garrus took a step closer to her, reaching out and moving away the strands of hair in front of her eyes, “I guess I can’t pretend like I haven’t been waiting for you to get back so I could sneak up here and fall asleep with you.”

Shepard laughed and leaned into him, “No, you can’t.”

“So…you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

His eyes glimmered and he smiled sheepishly, pointing over his shoulder back to the door, “I’m going get a spare set of clothes then….” He took a step backwards to the door, as if anticipating her sudden denial, “I’ll be right back.”

She winked at him as he left, the door closing behind him. She stood for a few seconds thinking before EDI chimed over her intercom, “Do you still want those results, Commander?”

Shepard glanced in the mirror of the bathroom next to her. She stared at herself a moment, remembering Chakwas resetting her nose that night in the medbay and the popping sound it made. She was unsettled, until a made-up image of a violet, cracked open turian skull suddenly appeared to her…Morally reprehensible, undoubtedly…and yet she couldn’t keep herself from smirking. 

“…No. Thank you though, EDI.”

Shepard took the short steps to her bed and stretched her neck before sitting down complacently at the end of her mattress, feeling suddenly impatient for Garrus to return.

_“How did you know? How did you know that I wouldn’t shoot?”_

_“Please. I know you, Garrus.”_

And she did.


End file.
